Douplespeak

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Yesterday my two-year-old daughter came over and said something that distinctly sounded like "Momma, I want a tattoo.” Now she's never asked about tattoos before, she's never pointed them out or commented on them, and she's never even had a fake tattoo, so I really didn't think that's what she actually had said. I clarified:

"You want a tattoo?"
"When I oooolder."
"Where did you hear about a tattoo?"
"Thank you! That's a great idea!"

And she walked away.

What just happened here? I have a feeling this is just a tiny glimpse into her impending adolescence. Clearly she's already mastered the art of talking in circles around me. I cringe at the thought of what is to come. Someday when she's 18 (hopefully she waits until she's 18), she'll be proudly showing of that new ink and wondering why I look dumbfounded. And she'll say, "Mom! We talked about this. Remember?” And she will remember.

Good Morning, Angels!

I'm a person who desperately needs structure, accountability, a little artificial stress to get things done.  I marvel at how much more I'm able to accomplish in a day when I have a million things to do—how much faster I can clean when I get a phone call that someone is stopping over is a few hours.  Give me a day with nothing planned, no deadlines, and it seems like I can't get anything accomplished.  Shhhhh.  Please don't let my husband in on this little secret.  He's called me out on in before, but I deny, deny, deny.  Suddenly I'm having flashbacks to my college days, staying up late, waking up early and typing away.  I'm pretty sure I never finished a paper before 5a.m. on it's due date.  And I was an English major; there were a lot of papers.

That is why today I am excited for the launch of the fall Good Morning Girls challenge.  Finding daily quiet time with God has been a challenge for me for the last several years, and I'm looking for a little peer pressure to help turn that around.  Good Morning Girls is essentially a group of women (you ask your family, friends, co-workers, whoever) who agree to e-mail, Facebook, tweet, text (whatever works) each other after their daily quiet time.  You say "good morning" and just let the group know what spoke to you that morning (or more likely for me kids' nap time or evening) during your quiet time.  It's a great way to encourage one another and let peer pressure work it's magic.  I've assembled a group of 5 amazing ladies, and I'm looking forward to seeing the many ways God will bless us over the next few months.  If you want to join our group, let me know.  Or if you want to find a somewhat anonymous group, check out the Good Morning Girls message board.

The Birds and the Bees. Or in Our House: The Dogs and the Dogs.

I have a two-year-old unneutered male hunting dog named Mac.  He's got a lot of puppy left in him.  I also have an ancient neutered male house dog named Caesar.  He's six months beyond the average life expectancy for his breed.  I L-O-V-E love Caesar.  I tolerate Mac.  The other day Mac was clearly taking his sexual frustrations out on Caesar in plain view of my two-year-old daughter.  Unfortunately this is not an unusual sight in our house.  In fact, I've hear my daughter say "Mac, quit humping Caesar" more times than I care to admit.  The other day, however, she got a little more descriptive and thoughtfully said, "Momma, Mac is itching his privates on Caesar.  He REALLY itchy!"  Well I certainly couldn't disagree with that.

Pretty for under $5

So you know when you have to make a run to Target to get toilet paper, diapers, dog food, and deodorant and as you're walking down those beautiful clean aisles full of all of that new stuff—not your ratty old stuff—and you really want to buy pretty much everything you walk by (those dishes are adorable! Such a cute top! Maybe I should try that laundry detergent! Surely this is the shampoo that will finally make my hair shiny and beautiful and straight and thicker on the top and thinner in the back and six inches longer!), and you've been stuck inside the house with your two little ones for three days straight, and darn it you should buy something because you deserve it. After all, you've bribed your toddler with finger paints if she stays in the cart and makes it through the store without crying, shouldn't you get yourself a little something, too? You could get a book—that's a relatively guilt-free purchase in my opinion—but you've already got eight books at home waiting to be read and two more books shipping out from Barnes and Noble online tomorrow. Then you remember fondly watching old episodes of Veronica Mars over the weekend (LOVE that show) and admiring her shiny berry-colored lips and decide to drop a few dollars on a new lip gloss. You haven't opened a fashion magazine since before the elastic-waist pants of your first pregnancy and, frankly, you just don't have time and energy to pay attention to beauty ads, so you blindly pick a lip gloss based on color alone. Color and price. $7.99 is not okay, but $4.44 is certainly reasonable. You grab Maybelline's Shine Sensational in Cranberry Crave and you are not disappointed. It's shiny, it's sheerish with just enough color, it's not sticky, it smells nice and tastes nice, it lasts a long time, and you just made yourself feel a little pretty.  For $4.44 I would say that's a steal.

Yes, I get the irony in buying myself a reward for not spending loads of money on a bunch of other unnecessary stuff. And yes, I'm perfectly okay with that. What about you? What do you like to reward yourself with on your Target/Wal-Mart/grocery store trips?

This is not a paid advertisement, and unfortunately no one gave me any free stuff.  I just got lucky and found something I liked and wanted to tell you about it.

Habaneros and Ice Cream: Not a Recipe

I've taken a little break from blogging and I think I'm ready to start up again.  A sure sign is that I've written two or three blog posts in my head while drifting off to sleep each night.  I'm feeling the urge to blog about non-cleaning/clutter related topics.  That said, as a work-at-home/stay-at-home mom my life is pretty much my kids 24/7.  So you'll probably be hearing a lot about them in the coming posts.  I hope you don't mind. 

Image Source: Jose Ibarra

Just some words of advice for you today.  If your husband insists on doing something with the bushels (that may be a slight exaggeration) of habanero peppers from the garden, and he preps them and chops them, and lays them out on a cookie sheet in the freezer overnight, do not forget about this when you ask you not yet 2-1/2-year-old daughter to put something away in the freezer for you.  She will be immediately drawn to the beautiful orange candy-like bits and promptly put one in her mouth.  And it will take you a minute to realize exactly what has happened. As she has surely swallowed said HABANERO pepper there will be no proof of exactly what happened.  She will start coughing and looking confused, like she knows something's not right.  And she will grab at her mouth and look very sad.  And she inevitably will rub her eye before you've remembered to wash her hands.  And she will tell you her eye hurts and her mouth hurts.  And you will call poison control.  And they will be lovely and reassuring.  And then your daughter will voluntarily go take a nap on the couch for an hour-and-a-half (which she NEVER does).  And you will worry and worry and worry.  And because the habanero pepper eating takes place just as dinner is ready to be served, you will wake her up from her nap at 7:30p.m. and take her to Culver's for ice cream.  Just to make sure she's really okay.  If she refuses the ice cream or it doesn't boost her mood, you will then take her to the emergency room.  But she does eat it, and it does make her feel better.  And it helps ease your guilt just a little.  And in the end, it is a good excuse to go get ice cream.

Clean Enough for Madonna?

For those of you readers who don't know me personally (all two of you), I have a very vivid and bizarre dream life.  For example, last night I had a dream that Madonna (the material girl, not the virgin) was my house guest.  I hadn't been expecting her, so my house was in pretty pathetic shape.  For some reason, I wasn't worried about this.  I think I was in shock that Madonna showed up in the first place.  It started to sink in at breakfast the next morning how ill-prepared I was.  I offered her bacon (as if!), and she politely declined. I offered her eggs, she politely declined.  I offered her pancakes, she politely declined.  Then I started wracking my brain about what the heck her crazy macrobiotic diet was all about.  Fail.  Then I followed her back to the guestroom, where I started to notice how utterly dirty and cluttered the place was.  Madonna hadn't said anything the first night, so I told myself it wasn't as bad as it looked.  Then she started telling me in a very positive life-affirming way that cleaning things up would make me feel better.  So while she took a shower, I picked up.  And it looked better.  And I felt better.  The end.

When Madonna is entering my dreams to lecture me on keeping a clean house, perhaps it's time to step up my game.

I Love Goop!

Solution to my grease stains?  Drumroll please...

GOOP!

No, I'm not talking Gwyneth.  I'm talking the little tub of wonder, Multi-Purpose Goop Hand Cleaner.  It's been in the back of my mind for a long time; I've seen Goop used for years on grease stains, watching my mom slather it all over my dad's work clothes.  I can still remember the smell.  Yet it never occurred to me to try it for my own tiny spots.  I don't know why.  I finally asked my mom for the details, and remembered to buy some on our last trip to Menards.  It didn't take long for me to find my first test pieces--two shirts, worn layered, that my daughters little greasy fingers pawed.  I was wearing one of the shirts for the very first time. 

Surprise, surprise it worked! 

There's nothing fancy about Goop.  The marketing copy on the side of the container says, "Try it for difficult and stubborn stains on shirt collars, blouses, skirts, slacks, vinyl, canvas, woodwork, rugs."  Apparently there is no limit to which specific item of clothing (or material) it can clean.  Essentially you rub it on the stain, let it sit for 20 minutes, and wash your clothes as you normally would.  The instructions emphasize that both your hands and the material should be dry when the Goop is applied.  It does stink, so I washed my stained shirts in a separate load.  I've since washed some Gooped clothes in a full load and didn't really notice any smell on the other clothes.

It's also non-toxic and biodegradable.  That sounds good, right?

The directions suggest testing for colorfastness, but really once you've got a big grease spot on your shirt this is pretty much your last resort.  Next stop, garbage.

Give it a try.  It's 4 for 4 at my house.